The Letter
by emeraldislegirl
Summary: AU: Rick learns he has a son name RJ from an unlikely source. NOTE: (Rick, RJ, Michonne) I don't own the TWD characters.


**The Letter**

August 29, 2015

Dearest Rick,

If you are reading this, then you know what I've done is unforgivable because it has hurt you in the worst way and for that, I'm truly sorry. As I pen this letter, your son is four and a half years old.

Today, it broke my heart when he asked about you and when you'll finally come home to us. I fucked up Rick. How do I show up on your doorstep now, damn near six years later with a child, our child?

It is my hope that in time, when your anger dissipates you'll acknowledge that it was the best scenario for all parties involved.

When I left you, at the time, I had no idea that I was even pregnant. Please know this is not me trying to excuse my actions in any way.

I simply wasn't as strong as I thought I was because I wasn't prepared for what I would find when I returned home to Toronto... watching my father waste away to nothing before my very eyes while trying to be my mother's rock, it was hard. You wanted to know why I didn't return your many calls or texts… well, shortly after returning home, in a moment of weakness, I sought and took comfort in the arms of an old friend.

I told you I loved you, but within two weeks of being home, I betrayed you. I betrayed our eighteen months together. I didn't know how to tell you that… I was a coward and by the time I realized I was pregnant, I truly believed RJ was his. He was a married man at the time... it should have never happened, but it did. It was clear, my pregnancy was my burden to carry. I would never try to burden you with the child of another man. I was ashamed of myself, confused and hurting. But being pregnant actually saved my life and mama's too. It gave us something to look forward to pass the inevitable which was looming mere weeks away.

I don't expect you to understand this given the fact that I was so cautious with you. I was reticent before saying those three little words to you, but I felt them in my heart even before you uttered them. I didn't want to jinx us… my past made me cautious. I knew you were nothing like him, but still, I was cautious with my heart. What we had was so new to me, it was foreign. I had never experienced anything quite like it before, nor have I since. It's how I know what we had was once in a lifetime love and I'm sorry that my actions hurt you. That said, however, when things became complicated, it wasn't fair to have you wait for me when I was needed here.

As long as I'm being honest, you should know that my heart broke into a million pieces the day I left and every day after that, until the day RJ was born and I saw your face again. He glued the pieces back together, at least that's how mamma explains it. He's the best birthday gift ever… _that night we took a shortcut through the park after dinner. At the time, we were still working through our list of places where we'd like to have sex. This particular venue was on my list because I always wanted to have sex in Central Park and that night you didn't disappoint… dragging me off the path like you did into that secluded area and having your way with me against that tree was hot as hell. The scrapes and bruises were well worth it. After the act, do you remember what you said after we carved our initials into the bark? I wonder whether our initials are still there. It was only after we got back to the apartment, I understood what had gotten into you… your eagerness over dinner, the excessive biting of that pouty bottom lip of yours... you had to know what you were doing to me. It seems while I was busy writing exams you were at home admiring my first cover issue… it was sweet. I loved that it evoked the savage beast within you... on my birthday, no less. Who could have predicted that two weeks later we'd be kissing for the very last time and nine months later… I'd be reaping the benefits of our Central Park tryst from an unexpected seed planted on my birthday and born on lover's day. Ironic, indeed._

Six months after RJ was born, I hired a private investigator in New York to find you but he had no luck. I didn't understand, you weren't called to the bar that year. It was as if you vanished into thin air. A year later, I hired another in Atlanta, which eventually led him to parents who relocated to Washington. Your career choice was a curveball I hadn't anticipated.

When you meet your son, Richard James Charpentier, he will know you. He's seen countless photos of you… of us together. He knows he's your Junior, a copy of his dad, but for his smile of course. It will be all that's left of me. He's a perfect blend of both of us and I couldn't be more proud.

He knows you're a hero… that you keep people safe… and that you'll love him unconditionally. Perhaps someday when your memory of me will no longer be a reminder of my betrayal but the love that made his existence possible, I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me.

By the time we found you, he was already two years old, your life was settled and you were starting a family of your own. There was no room in it for your son without causing unnecessary hurt to all parties. Plus, there was a logistical nightmare known as visitation rights. They, that being, your wife and twin girls, had you, so I made a unilateral decision to keep RJ for myself, it was the last piece of you that I could hold onto. I walked away that day without looking back because I authored the outcome of our current situation.

Yes, I agree; it was selfish of me because you had rights, ones which I never allowed you to have a say one way or the other. It is what it is, but if you're reading this, for what it's worth I am truly sorry you've lost these years with your son.

Despite it all, Rick, I know you won't punish our son, it is not who you are. I only hope that your wife can accept him and in time, love him because he's truly a wonderful boy. He's your boy.

Before I close this letter, there are a few things you ought to know about Richard, RJ or Junior. In this case, he answers to all three, but you'll have to find your own thang. RJ loves eating his cereal dry with the milk on the side…. _mmmmh, I wonder where he gets that_. He loves falling asleep next to me when he's afraid because he doesn't particularly like storms (_that takes me back to the first night I slept over)_. He loves listening to music, he enjoys his karate classes. He loves swimming and biking too. He has a lot of energy, but he also loves quiet time with his books before bedtime. Whenever he gives you a sideways head tilt, he's not particularly happy, he doesn't always articulate his feelings, but somehow I think you two will understand each other very well because these are principally traits he gets from you.

To the two loves of my life, I apologize that it has come to this, that I won't be able to facilitate your first meeting nor witness the love and the bond you will develop moving forward in life together as father and son. My heart breaks once more but at least this time it's from the joy of knowing that you've found one another.

Forever yours, (_I still remember it_)

Michonne

xoxoxo


End file.
